You can pry that gun from his cold, dead hands now.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Lion Pinball Players Return
Simon had a read-through for his new play, "Witch Prison" on Saturday. We start rehearsals next week and look to have a preview performance in June I believe, with the official run being sometime in late June/early July.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Fun With Spammers
I have a Myspace account. Everyday I get friend requests or messages from fake profiles of really hot women. They all say the same things basically. Always talking about being new to the internet or new to Myspace and then they give you an email address. I basically just delete and message or friend request that has a picture of a hot girl.
Today I decided to respond to one of the messages just for the hell of it.
And the spambot wrote back.
A really long message telling me all about what they are looking for in a man. Kinda presumptuous, I thought, since this isn't a dating site. It's just a site to get spam from.
So I responded again.
And their spambot generated another automated response.
So the DaveO5000 generated it's own nonsensical response.
And so on...
Here's the conversation thus far:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 10:32 AM
How are you
you sound really cool in your profile, let tell you about myself, I love to laugh and enjoy life to the fullest. Nothing in life is worthwhile without passion, I love helping people, I am very compassionate and caring. What more can I say, I have a great sense of humour, I'm looking for a mature relationship I have no time for games or lies though. I consider myself to be very independent and know what I want..................... This internet stuff is very new to me, I don't think that it is hard to meet and talk to people but The hard part is meeting quality, intelligent, not wasted people, I basically want someone that is going to treat me with the respect that I deserve. I believe that the three most important ingredients to a healthy relationship are , communication, honesty and Stability. If you don't have those, you really don't have anything. i am looking for someone that is kind, caring, sweet, nice, cute, smart, funny. I want someone to cuddle with and who will want to talk to me and tell me all about them. I would like someone that will listen to me and communicate with me. I am looking for some one that wants to spend as much time together, with me, as possible. And if they can't be there for me with affection, will call. Being held is the best feeling in the world. Ultimately I'm looking for someone that wants to fall/be in love and not afraid to show affection and be nice. I love to hear sweet words said to me. Someone that will want to be my best friend. Someone that doesn't need/have to go out and drink with his friends often. Someone that will hold me when I'm sad and comfort me when I'm afraid. let me ask you this question, what do u think are the best three trait to offer a partner? what happen to your last relationship?
here is my email adress/luvsherry1981@yahoo. com . thank you for reading
Sherry.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
i would love to hang out and spam people on myspace all day long.
sounds like much fun!
and you seem pretty old for the internet to be so new to you. are you from outer space? i think that is cool. i like outer space chicks. or maybe you are a time traveler from the eighteenth century? where are you from that the internet is so new to you? you look pretty classy for a poor person from the third world.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 3:26 PM
How are you and how is work, your health, and how's everything generally with you?i hope your fine and all is well with you.
Thanks for mailing me back and telling me more about yourself... Well i dont really know what you are looking and please i would like you to tell me the kind of woman your seeking for?i was onced really hurt and i got heart broken as i left my ex-fiance when i found out that he was double dating and also find out he was drinking alot. he always get drunk always and end up all his anger on me turning me to a punching bag. i was known in the hospital for caring sores and injury day after day. I just have to say Goodbye to this horrible life It was terrible life i live when i was with him that is why i have to relocate.. i was there thinking that i had found the right man not knowing he never loved me and that's why am trying this on-line dating maybe it would workout for me but i simple want someone to share it with. family is very important to me as is the idea of marriage. I am searching for someone who shares the following qualities with me. Thoughtful, loving, goal oriented, along with sense of humor. I love to laugh and smile. I also love to read, cook, and travel. My interests are many. I am honest, intelligent, loyal, affectionate, easy going, romantic, soft-spoken and sensual. I'm romantic, caring, and much more! I'm "crazy" about all pets. espcially dogs and cats. I love nature and I like to travel. I like books and reading Bible . I'm looking for for a partner for life.. are you the one?? Apperance is important but more importantly: Are you a loving guy,,,??? some times people select there love with age as for me i dont believe in age in a relationship all that l want a man that will make me happy so much and make mefeel so good and that will be faithful in all things that he told me that will be truthful to me I am actually educated just have neverfound a decent job that uses it. I am a person that use to be veryshy. I still am in ways, but in others I am a personate somebody. I kinda beensingle a long time. I really havent met any men that I really likedI guess. I kinda am looking for a funny, loyal, smart, and attractiveman. he doesnt have to be a handsome or rich but that will make me happy either just has to be some kinda spark there. anyway i just wanna let you know that I'm seeking a serious long term relationship and more. Someone special to capture my heart and knows how to handle it with care, one who will cherish me and be willing to share life's greatest joys and sorrows. Someone who's willing to spoil, pamper and love me unconditionally, whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion. , so only serious inquiries will be accepted. I'm looking for a soul-mate... a best friend for life! Someone I could talk to about anything.... A good listener, smart and funny! I'd give the same to the ONE !! Who knows - may be you are my twin-soul? and have you check my profile anyway hope to here from you soon.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
Wow!
What a quick and lengthy response!
I don't want to be one of those people that always points out mistakes (not a good way to start out a relationship!) but I actually did not tell you anything about myself in my email. Perhaps you just read it too fast.
I was asking about YOU, silly!
Also I am not "seeking for" any particular woman right now. Let's not put the cart in front of the horse here. I just cyber-met you today! LOL. ;-)
I am sorry to hear about your ex-fiance double-dating. Did you go on these double dates with him ever? I must admit, I've been on a few myself and they are NOT FUN! One time I went on a double date and the other three told me they wanted to have a threesome, and I was all like, "Hello! There are FOUR of us, how can we have a THREEsome?" So I ended up leaving because who wants to hang out with people who can't even do BASIC MATH?
Also, I want to be up front here: I like drinking. I know that was a problem with your ex-fiance, but it sounds like he was drinking behind your back. I want you to know right now that I will not hide my drinking from you. I will drink out in the open. And I won't turn you into a punching bag... cuz I'm not magic! If I knew how to turn people into stuff I'd make them into something more useful than a punching bag. Like an ottoman, maybe.
You also say you were in the hospital with "caring sores". I am unfamiliar with this affliction. But I can imagine them. Kinda like "bleeding sores" but they bleed compassion and warm-heartedness. That must take a lot out of you. I am sorry you had to go through that. What a jerk!
I must say that I had trouble reading a lot of the things you wrote. Your grammar is very bad. It's like you are a barely-educated man from the Ukraine. I once dated a barely-educated man from the Ukraine, thinking it was a hot chick from Hawaii. I won't fall for that scam again! I had to double check your profile to make sure it wasn't another scam. When I saw that you were a hot chick from Littleton, Colorado I breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps Littleton has a really bad public education system and that is why your grammar is so poor.
Oh, I'm criticizing again!
Sorry.
I know you said you were new to the internet, but I have to tell you that this is not a dating site. If you are REALLY looking for someone, you should probably look into one of those. It might be of more help.
That being said, I am glad you told me so much about what you are looking for in a man. You said appearance is important but being a loving guy is more important. I feel the same about the ladies. Actually, appearance is VERY important. I mean, you can be all loving and shit but if you look like Abe Vigoda, I'm gonna have trouble taking you to the altar. Your profile picture shows me that is not the case. In fact, you are so hot I have seen seven other people using your picture for their profile! You should maybe get a lawyer.
Can I be honest with you? You won my heart when you wrote that you were "actually educated just have neverfound a decent job that uses it"
We are peas in a pod my darling! I too have never found a job that uses my education. Actually I have not found a job at all, even one that requires no education. In fact, you may have to support me for awhile. But don't worry cuz I'm all that other shit you like: "kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion". That's me in a nutshell babe. You don't mind if I call you babe do ya?
Whew!
That was a lot.
But I figure since you wrote two very long emails, I had to return the favor.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 8:26 PM
It nice hearing from you. How are you and your family I hope you are in good Condition of hearlt .. How is the Nature of your Job, and the atmostpheric condition Over there? Hope your doing pretty Good. i spent my weekend just crying and right now am very sad and I am just starting to feel a little better now because am just heart brokeness recently by my ex-fiance and has ended me in a nightmare now well i really want to know about you well. Oh I was wondering, am glad to know that in the evening is when to find you online so i would try and be online so we could chat better, What kind of business do you do? I am so happy to read from you. I so much love what i read about you ,I like your profile and am impressed, about your profile . I think we have a lot in common, hey, we're a 87% match! . Honey am so sorry for giving you the wrong impression and i want you to know that your friendship means alot to me and i do not judge people from there e-mail and am not scared of meeting you its just that things have been hard for me starting my life all over again without my ex-fiance and that's why i need a good man like you to start my life all over again with because you sound caring,honest,fun to be with and sincere and responsible and most importantly you have sence of humour and i want you to know that i want a man who would be there during good and bad times,I'm definitely interested and curious in learning more about YOU. You can't believe me have being spending time with my friend who has turn Out to be my father and mother infact everything to me. Sho took me in without even asking a question just becouse she knows me verywell. Becouse when she was in the state i take good care of her like a sister, brother and family. It was so horrible for me.. I only heard the story when i grew up,I lost my parents when i was 8years,I didn't feel it that time until i know what it takes now. I could have run to my parents than running to friends and seeking for help I hope you wont hate me??? sometimes you laugh and sometimes you Cry that is just the game of life. I look forward to receiving a reply from you Honey
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
You are so right. Sometimes you laugh and sometimes you cry. That IS the game of Life.
You just gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run! Trust me. There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done.
Thank you for inquiring about the nature of my job and the atmospheric conditions. It has been raining which always makes my work a tad dreary. I am responsible for the disposal of HR (human remains). The constant rain makes the blood and pus run something fierce. Oh well. Nothing a mop bucket and some bleach can't handle. My boss, Mr. Mandrake, doesn't like me using bleach, but he can suck it. This morning I scraped some fascia from the back muscles of a still born infant I was disposing of, and put it in his desk drawer. He'll get a nice surprise in the morning!
I'm interested that this friend you've been hanging out with turned out to be your father and mother! How crazy. Kinda like this dream I had where I was in my high school Algebra class but in Yankee Stadium too, but it was also neither. I can't really explain. You should slap your mom. Friends shouldn't morph into other people regardless of how they are related to you. Especially when you just found out your parents died when you were 8.
What is your favorite sea mammal?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 9:37 PM
please i want you to e-mail me down to my yahoo so that i can also send you more of my picture from there
luvsherry1981@yahoo. com
i will be waiting to hear from you there
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
I can't email you down to your yahoo, though, because I don't have the Internet.
If I ever do, though, my email would be dipsydoodledavey4urluv@yahoo. com
You can send your pictures to me there and I will get them in the future. I must go save mankind now.
Today I decided to respond to one of the messages just for the hell of it.
And the spambot wrote back.
A really long message telling me all about what they are looking for in a man. Kinda presumptuous, I thought, since this isn't a dating site. It's just a site to get spam from.
So I responded again.
And their spambot generated another automated response.
So the DaveO5000 generated it's own nonsensical response.
And so on...
Here's the conversation thus far:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 10:32 AM
How are you
you sound really cool in your profile, let tell you about myself, I love to laugh and enjoy life to the fullest. Nothing in life is worthwhile without passion, I love helping people, I am very compassionate and caring. What more can I say, I have a great sense of humour, I'm looking for a mature relationship I have no time for games or lies though. I consider myself to be very independent and know what I want..................... This internet stuff is very new to me, I don't think that it is hard to meet and talk to people but The hard part is meeting quality, intelligent, not wasted people, I basically want someone that is going to treat me with the respect that I deserve. I believe that the three most important ingredients to a healthy relationship are , communication, honesty and Stability. If you don't have those, you really don't have anything. i am looking for someone that is kind, caring, sweet, nice, cute, smart, funny. I want someone to cuddle with and who will want to talk to me and tell me all about them. I would like someone that will listen to me and communicate with me. I am looking for some one that wants to spend as much time together, with me, as possible. And if they can't be there for me with affection, will call. Being held is the best feeling in the world. Ultimately I'm looking for someone that wants to fall/be in love and not afraid to show affection and be nice. I love to hear sweet words said to me. Someone that will want to be my best friend. Someone that doesn't need/have to go out and drink with his friends often. Someone that will hold me when I'm sad and comfort me when I'm afraid. let me ask you this question, what do u think are the best three trait to offer a partner? what happen to your last relationship?
here is my email adress/luvsherry1981@yahoo. com . thank you for reading
Sherry.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
i would love to hang out and spam people on myspace all day long.
sounds like much fun!
and you seem pretty old for the internet to be so new to you. are you from outer space? i think that is cool. i like outer space chicks. or maybe you are a time traveler from the eighteenth century? where are you from that the internet is so new to you? you look pretty classy for a poor person from the third world.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 3:26 PM
How are you and how is work, your health, and how's everything generally with you?i hope your fine and all is well with you.
Thanks for mailing me back and telling me more about yourself... Well i dont really know what you are looking and please i would like you to tell me the kind of woman your seeking for?i was onced really hurt and i got heart broken as i left my ex-fiance when i found out that he was double dating and also find out he was drinking alot. he always get drunk always and end up all his anger on me turning me to a punching bag. i was known in the hospital for caring sores and injury day after day. I just have to say Goodbye to this horrible life It was terrible life i live when i was with him that is why i have to relocate.. i was there thinking that i had found the right man not knowing he never loved me and that's why am trying this on-line dating maybe it would workout for me but i simple want someone to share it with. family is very important to me as is the idea of marriage. I am searching for someone who shares the following qualities with me. Thoughtful, loving, goal oriented, along with sense of humor. I love to laugh and smile. I also love to read, cook, and travel. My interests are many. I am honest, intelligent, loyal, affectionate, easy going, romantic, soft-spoken and sensual. I'm romantic, caring, and much more! I'm "crazy" about all pets. espcially dogs and cats. I love nature and I like to travel. I like books and reading Bible . I'm looking for for a partner for life.. are you the one?? Apperance is important but more importantly: Are you a loving guy,,,??? some times people select there love with age as for me i dont believe in age in a relationship all that l want a man that will make me happy so much and make mefeel so good and that will be faithful in all things that he told me that will be truthful to me I am actually educated just have neverfound a decent job that uses it. I am a person that use to be veryshy. I still am in ways, but in others I am a personate somebody. I kinda beensingle a long time. I really havent met any men that I really likedI guess. I kinda am looking for a funny, loyal, smart, and attractiveman. he doesnt have to be a handsome or rich but that will make me happy either just has to be some kinda spark there. anyway i just wanna let you know that I'm seeking a serious long term relationship and more. Someone special to capture my heart and knows how to handle it with care, one who will cherish me and be willing to share life's greatest joys and sorrows. Someone who's willing to spoil, pamper and love me unconditionally, whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion. , so only serious inquiries will be accepted. I'm looking for a soul-mate... a best friend for life! Someone I could talk to about anything.... A good listener, smart and funny! I'd give the same to the ONE !! Who knows - may be you are my twin-soul? and have you check my profile anyway hope to here from you soon.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
Wow!
What a quick and lengthy response!
I don't want to be one of those people that always points out mistakes (not a good way to start out a relationship!) but I actually did not tell you anything about myself in my email. Perhaps you just read it too fast.
I was asking about YOU, silly!
Also I am not "seeking for" any particular woman right now. Let's not put the cart in front of the horse here. I just cyber-met you today! LOL. ;-)
I am sorry to hear about your ex-fiance double-dating. Did you go on these double dates with him ever? I must admit, I've been on a few myself and they are NOT FUN! One time I went on a double date and the other three told me they wanted to have a threesome, and I was all like, "Hello! There are FOUR of us, how can we have a THREEsome?" So I ended up leaving because who wants to hang out with people who can't even do BASIC MATH?
Also, I want to be up front here: I like drinking. I know that was a problem with your ex-fiance, but it sounds like he was drinking behind your back. I want you to know right now that I will not hide my drinking from you. I will drink out in the open. And I won't turn you into a punching bag... cuz I'm not magic! If I knew how to turn people into stuff I'd make them into something more useful than a punching bag. Like an ottoman, maybe.
You also say you were in the hospital with "caring sores". I am unfamiliar with this affliction. But I can imagine them. Kinda like "bleeding sores" but they bleed compassion and warm-heartedness. That must take a lot out of you. I am sorry you had to go through that. What a jerk!
I must say that I had trouble reading a lot of the things you wrote. Your grammar is very bad. It's like you are a barely-educated man from the Ukraine. I once dated a barely-educated man from the Ukraine, thinking it was a hot chick from Hawaii. I won't fall for that scam again! I had to double check your profile to make sure it wasn't another scam. When I saw that you were a hot chick from Littleton, Colorado I breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps Littleton has a really bad public education system and that is why your grammar is so poor.
Oh, I'm criticizing again!
Sorry.
I know you said you were new to the internet, but I have to tell you that this is not a dating site. If you are REALLY looking for someone, you should probably look into one of those. It might be of more help.
That being said, I am glad you told me so much about what you are looking for in a man. You said appearance is important but being a loving guy is more important. I feel the same about the ladies. Actually, appearance is VERY important. I mean, you can be all loving and shit but if you look like Abe Vigoda, I'm gonna have trouble taking you to the altar. Your profile picture shows me that is not the case. In fact, you are so hot I have seen seven other people using your picture for their profile! You should maybe get a lawyer.
Can I be honest with you? You won my heart when you wrote that you were "actually educated just have neverfound a decent job that uses it"
We are peas in a pod my darling! I too have never found a job that uses my education. Actually I have not found a job at all, even one that requires no education. In fact, you may have to support me for awhile. But don't worry cuz I'm all that other shit you like: "kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion". That's me in a nutshell babe. You don't mind if I call you babe do ya?
Whew!
That was a lot.
But I figure since you wrote two very long emails, I had to return the favor.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 8:26 PM
It nice hearing from you. How are you and your family I hope you are in good Condition of hearlt .. How is the Nature of your Job, and the atmostpheric condition Over there? Hope your doing pretty Good. i spent my weekend just crying and right now am very sad and I am just starting to feel a little better now because am just heart brokeness recently by my ex-fiance and has ended me in a nightmare now well i really want to know about you well. Oh I was wondering, am glad to know that in the evening is when to find you online so i would try and be online so we could chat better, What kind of business do you do? I am so happy to read from you. I so much love what i read about you ,I like your profile and am impressed, about your profile . I think we have a lot in common, hey, we're a 87% match! . Honey am so sorry for giving you the wrong impression and i want you to know that your friendship means alot to me and i do not judge people from there e-mail and am not scared of meeting you its just that things have been hard for me starting my life all over again without my ex-fiance and that's why i need a good man like you to start my life all over again with because you sound caring,honest,fun to be with and sincere and responsible and most importantly you have sence of humour and i want you to know that i want a man who would be there during good and bad times,I'm definitely interested and curious in learning more about YOU. You can't believe me have being spending time with my friend who has turn Out to be my father and mother infact everything to me. Sho took me in without even asking a question just becouse she knows me verywell. Becouse when she was in the state i take good care of her like a sister, brother and family. It was so horrible for me.. I only heard the story when i grew up,I lost my parents when i was 8years,I didn't feel it that time until i know what it takes now. I could have run to my parents than running to friends and seeking for help I hope you wont hate me??? sometimes you laugh and sometimes you Cry that is just the game of life. I look forward to receiving a reply from you Honey
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
You are so right. Sometimes you laugh and sometimes you cry. That IS the game of Life.
You just gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run! Trust me. There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done.
Thank you for inquiring about the nature of my job and the atmospheric conditions. It has been raining which always makes my work a tad dreary. I am responsible for the disposal of HR (human remains). The constant rain makes the blood and pus run something fierce. Oh well. Nothing a mop bucket and some bleach can't handle. My boss, Mr. Mandrake, doesn't like me using bleach, but he can suck it. This morning I scraped some fascia from the back muscles of a still born infant I was disposing of, and put it in his desk drawer. He'll get a nice surprise in the morning!
I'm interested that this friend you've been hanging out with turned out to be your father and mother! How crazy. Kinda like this dream I had where I was in my high school Algebra class but in Yankee Stadium too, but it was also neither. I can't really explain. You should slap your mom. Friends shouldn't morph into other people regardless of how they are related to you. Especially when you just found out your parents died when you were 8.
What is your favorite sea mammal?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sherry
Date: Apr 2, 2008 9:37 PM
please i want you to e-mail me down to my yahoo so that i can also send you more of my picture from there
luvsherry1981@yahoo. com
i will be waiting to hear from you there
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dave O
Date: 02/04/2008
I can't email you down to your yahoo, though, because I don't have the Internet.
If I ever do, though, my email would be dipsydoodledavey4urluv@yahoo. com
You can send your pictures to me there and I will get them in the future. I must go save mankind now.
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