Wanna see my hand jive?

I think a great way to start off a story you are about to tell would be to say, "Once upon a time..." and then launch into your tale. Has that ever been done before? Or am I a genius?

Is the Church of Christ, Scientist broken down into specialized branches? I would like to belong to the First Church of Christ, Etymologist.

Sometimes I make up diseases that make me laugh: Semi-colon cancer, Solipsistic fibrosis.

I saw an obese woman on TV who actually said, "It scares me that I might wake up one day and be dead."

Here's a bad joke I made up once: "That girl is so white trash, when I dropped her off after our date I got fined for littering. Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all week."