Blah Blah Blah

1. I've had no internet for almost a month now. We've had nothing but problems with the glorious corporation that is Verizon. Calls to them go something like this:

"Please enter the account number you are calling about, starting with the area code."
(Entering phone number)
"Press one if this is about a residential order..."
(Pressing one)
"Press one if this is about Verizon DSL..."
(Pressing one)
"Please enter the account number you are calling about, starting with the area code."
(Entering phone number again)
"Thank you. Press one for billing, press two for tech support, press three for..."
(Pressing one again)
"Press one if this is about your residential DSL service..."
(Pressing one!)
"So that we can better serve you please enter the number you are calling about."
(Pressing zero repeatedly and cursing)
"Hold on, you will be connected to a customer service specialist"
(Waiting 10 minutes)
"Hello, thank you for calling Verizon, can I get the account number you are calling about?"
"I've only entered it about 15 times. What was the point of all that shit before?"
"I don't know sir, can I get your account number?"
(Repeating phone number yet again.)
"OK. and what is this call in regards to?"
"I have a broken modem. I talked to tech support on saturday and they told me to call billing on Monday and order a new modem."
"OK, that sounds like a tech support problem, hold on..."
"No!! Wait..."
(Customer support specialist transfers call to tech support)
"Thank you for calling Verizon tech support can I get the account number you are calling about?"
"Can you just transfer me to billing? I already talked to someone in tech support the other day about my modem being broken and they told me to call billing and order a new one, but they transferred me he..."
"You'll have to call billing about that"
"No, I did...I was transferred here, can you..."
"Hold on"
(Line is transferred somewhere else now. Billing maybe?)
"Thank you for calling Verizon, can I get the account number you are calling about?"
"Before I bother giving you that information, let me ask if you are the person who can help me"
"Is this a billing question?"
"Yes. I need to order a new modem. The one I have, which by the way, is the third one you've sent me in the last year, is broken."
"OK. That's a tech support problem"
"NO!! I want to order a new modem! I was told that billing handles that!"
"Yes. Hold on."
(Waiting another 10 minutes)
Automated voice: "The following call may be monitored."
"Please! Monitor it! See what idiots you have working for you! For God's sake monitor this fucking call!!!"
"Thank you for calling Verizon. This is tech support. can I get the number you are calling about?"

This goes on for awhile, until finally being able to order the new modem.

Which does not arrive for a week and a half.

At which point my brother calls to check the status, only to discover that there is no record of an order ever being placed.

2. My DVD player died the other night while I was watching season 5 of "Curb Your Enthusiasm". So I had to buy a new DVD player.

3. The worst invention in the history of mankind: the car horn. People should have to roll down their window and shout obscenities at other cars. It's just too easy to lean on the horn. And little kids like to lean on that horn for as long as they can. And I would like to strangle anyone who honks their horn in front of my apartment for as long as I can. Unfortunately, every car that drives past honks their horn, and I just don't have the time.

4. Maybe I should take down the "Honk if you like Menudo" sign in front of my apartment now that I think about it...