Hibernation

I wake up every morning because I have responsibilities, not because I have any desire to do so. I would love to have a reason to bound out of bed and face a new day, but the only thing that propels me from my slumber is that I have a job that I must go to every day. And I said I'd be there. That's the contract we enter into when we take a job. They expect you to show up.

I am involved in various extra-curricular activities, but nothing really gives me much pleasure. I do these things because it seems like something I should do, but I'm not passionate about anything. And, in becoming involved in these various activities, I have added new responsibilities to my life. New reasons to wake up every day.

Distractions, I guess you could call them. They distract me from sleeping.

Which is something I feel like doing. For a very long time.

I'd like to take a nap for a few months and wake up refreshed and ready to see life from a new vantage point. Because I've lost the feeling. I have memories, but none of them arouse any true feelings. They are merely stories that could've happened to anyone. I don't know how they relate to me anymore.

I have new experiences, but I don't FEEL anything. I'm dead inside. And that's no way to be. I might as well be asleep.

So why can't I hibernate?