Time Warner Raped My Wife And Sold My Infant Son Into White Slavery

O.K. Some clarification perhaps.

I do not have a wife. But if I did, I'm sure they would.

Also, my infant son is non-existant, but were he to in fact be a reality, I would not put it past the folks at Time Warner to sell him into white slavery. I'm certain they have the means, and I wouldn't put it past them to try it.

Why do I think this?

Because Time Warner is a soulless coropration, hell bent on gobbling up every company and citizen in its way.

And because they won't hook up my cable internet.

Wait.

They WILL hook up my internet, but if I go through them I will not have a home from which to access said intenet.

Allow me to explain (it gets kinda complicated, so forgive me):

I have had Time Warner cable internet for the last two years. Aside from almost monthly service disruptions, it has been a fairly peaceful co-existence.

I moved last month and contacted them to switch my internet over to the new apartment. As with any behemoth of a corporation I've had to run a gauntlet of red tape and bullshit in order for this switch to take place. They arranged to have someone come out last friday to do the switch. The appointment was scheduled between 2-6pm.

They arrived at 6:05.

After a cursory search of the premises, the installer concluded that he could not in fact install the internet connection.

Because our apartment was not "registered" with Time Warner.

Hmmm.

I called the following day to find out what it would take to "register" this apartment and get the cable hooked up. And just how long would it take? I asked. They told me they had to send out a real estate inspector to confirm that it is indeed an apartment and then they could get the ball rolling. They told me this could take about 3 weeks.

What?!

Not only was I upset about the length of time it would take to get me up and running, but I was also worried about being evicted.

Further expalnation is needed:

I live in a basement apartment. Only, it is not actually an apartment. For zoning purposes it is considered a "storage space". My brother and I signed a lease for a storage space and are not "technically" supposed to be living there. This was done to protect my landlord, who does not have a license to rent the space out as an apartment.

This situation is not the best, but it should not be a problem, and the landlord is cool and wouldn't throw us out.

Unless Time Warner gets the New York Real Estate Board to start poking its nose into things and fines our landlord.

All this trouble because I want to use the internet from my home.

Bastards.

So I cancelled my service and am in the process of finding another provider.

Which is damn near impossible because Time Warner is a monopoly. And they like to rape people and sell children into slavery.

Note: I do have friends who work for TW and I don't think they'd rape people and sell children into slavery, but who knows what kind of mind control the company may exert over its employees?

"We were only following orders," they might say.

Stop the beast before it eats your soul!