Briefly...

Paris Hilton is being considered to play the role of Mother Teresa? Yes, it's true. And that will make any sexual fantasies I have about her even more disturbing. I believe the title of the proposed film will be "Saint Skank".

I hope to someday make it on to this list. I think my chances are quite good, probably somewhere between Joey Buttafuco and Gary Shandling. Mike D of the Beastie Boys beat out Richard Simmons and Clint Howard. He is looking rather haggard these days.

You really should cut back on your cholesterol. But after paying $55 to fill your tank, do you really care how many more days you'll add to your life by NOT having the donut?