LIST-O-MANIA, not to be confused with the Ken Russell Film Lisztomania, featuring Roger Daltry as Franz Liszt and Ringo Starr as The Pope.

O.k. I'm finally getting around to the lists I was commissioned to do.

Sorry this took so long to come up with. It really was difficult to find fifty things that make me happy. I guess because I tend to focus on the things that don't make me happy. It was a more daunting task than I imagined. I definitely couldn't have done the original hundred that were requested of me.

1. Bar-B-Q Shrimp at Deanies’ seafood shack in New Orleans. I may never get to have this again, so I put it at the top.
2. Finding a great album in a used record/cd bin.
3. A good gangster movie.
4. Getting strong laughter at a joke you’ve made.
5. Receiving a random phone call or email from a girl who wants to see how you are doing. This is especially good when it is unprovoked by emails or phone calls you may have made to them.
6. Watching a really engrossing film by yourself in a nearly-empty movie theater, with a large Coke and a bag of Sour Patch Kids.
7. The train ride over the Manhattan Bridge into Manhattan from Brooklyn on a cool, sunny day, looking out at the Brooklyn Bridge and the city.
8. Large, looming architecture.
9. Sex in the rain.
10. Deep sea fishing. In fact, the fishing is not even necessary, but being out on a boat in the ocean with no land in sight and the rocking waves is nice.
11. Hiking in the woods. I like to find a nice rock structure or cave and take a nap against the cool rock.
12. I have a huge book collection. Sometimes I just like standing in front of the shelves and browsing through the titles trying to find a book to read. I also like doing this at other people’s houses and seeing what sort of stuff they like to read.
13. My brother got my dad into drinking microbrews. He used to be a Miller High Life/Genny Cream Ale kind of guy when we were growing up. Now I love coming home for visits and having my dad excitedly tell me about a new beer he discovered. And then, of course, trying a few he has in the fridge.
14. Philly Soul music, particularly The Spinners.
15. Driving down an open stretch of road in the late spring/early summer with the windows down and “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake blasting on the radio. Fist-pumping during the chorus required.
16. El Rincon Familiar in Brooklyn (5th Ave. and 19th Street) The best Tex Mex food I’ve had. Better than places I’ve eaten at in Texas. If you’re in or around Park Slope and you want Tex Mex, there’s only one place to go! I drag anyone who visits me to this restaurant.
17. A memorable first kiss. I’ve had a few that stick out in my memory, and whether the relationship that did or did not follow said kiss was worth remembering it’s nice to think about the promise and potential of that first lip-lock.
18. Seeing Ween live.
19. A person telling you that something you did, wrote, performed, or created inspired them in some way. (Hell isn’t that why we create? To share the joys and sorrows of life with others, to reach out to one another, to feel less alone?)
20. Staying in a bar long enough to hear the songs you put on the jukebox. You are usually pretty wasted by that point and yell out to everyone, “Wait! Wait! These are my songs!” and close your eyes and bob your head enthusiastically to the beat. In your head no one thinks you’re a dork and everyone is just a little better off for hearing the particular songs you chose. Maybe you open your eyes and smile at someone else in the bar, your eyes silently telling them, “Yeah, this is MY song.”
21. Rollercoasters. Freefalls. Pirate Ships. Basically any ride at an amusement park that makes you feel like your balls have shot up into your abdomen and the pre-orgasmic, tingly sensation that goes along with that.
22. Those creepy, twisted religious comics from Chick Publications that various churches hand out.
23. Nonsequitors. Particularly in bathroom graffiti. Recent discovery in Rochester, NY stall (courtesy of Adam): “Bob Newhart Co-ed Naked Pussyfart”.
24. Swimming in streams or rivers. Oh, and tubing. (Yeah, that’s my rural Pennsylvania upbringing talking.)
25. I love dogs. I had an argument with a girl I knew over this. She preferred cats. She said, “Cats are better. They do their own thing. Are you so insecure that you need some goofy dog to greet you at the door when you get home and slobber all over you and be affectionate?” I said, “Exactly! Constant Public Displays of Affection just because I feed him! What’s more awesome than that? Cats just ignore you and act aloof. That’s what girls are for. Why would I need a cat?”
26. Receiving an apology for something ten years after the fact. It really did affect my life for the last ten years and prevent me from relating to other people properly. Your apology brought closure and I feel I can move on now. Thank you.
27. Making mixes (mix tapes/cds) for people who, in turn, actually listen to and appreciate the mixes. People who have the same musical tastes. It’s even better when they make mixes for you!
28. Nicknames.
29. Harold Night at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.
30. Laughing at misfortune. Mostly my own. It’s easier when it’s yours. I appreciate someone who can crack a good joke about me when I tell them something bad that happened.
31. Tree houses. As a kid I built lots of tree houses in my back yard. I loved the Swiss Family Robinson tree house at Disney World. When I lived in Asheville, North Carolina I lived in a cabin, but the first “apartment” I checked out was in a tree house colony. I was pretty excited about it, too: there were walkways throughout the trees that connected all the smaller “apartments”. It was like the Ewok village. But when I showed my girlfriend my find she was not as impressed as I was and told me to keep looking.
32. 1994. The happiest time in my life. I was 20 years old and there were so many wonderful things about that time that I can’t single anything out. Good friends, good times. I may never experience happiness like I felt that year, but I am grateful for having a glimpse of what it’s like.
33. Quentin Tarantino. There’s just something about his flicks that appeals to the film geek in me. A kindred spirit.
34. Back rubs. Back rubs are awesome. The older I get the more my back hurts and the more I need a good one. But unfortunately, I’ve had fewer and fewer as the years have passed. Seriously, if you gave me a good back rub, I’d probably sleep with you. Regardless of age, attractiveness, gender, or species. I’m just saying...
35. The Onion.
36. DVD. I remember being thrilled when DVDs first came out. I never got into the laserdiscs, but always wanted to see films at home in their original aspect ratio. DVD offered this. And with Bonus Features too! Commentaries and analysis of the film. It was like being back in film school.
37. The Internet. What a wonderful invention. The Information Superhighway. The idea of being able to connect and interact with people and thoughts from around the world. I spent a lot of time at the library when I was a kid. I liked being surrounded by information. But there was a process you went through to get that information. Now everything is at your fingertips. I can pull up information in seconds, where in the past, I would have to spend hours sifting through encyclopedias and other volumes in order to learn about something.
38. The Marx Brothers. If you can watch “Duck Soup” and not laugh once, I certainly don’t want to know you.
39. Tabloid journalism. Why would I sing the praises of something that is destroying true journalism? It seems like everything is tabloid journalism these days. There is no objectivity and no real research into the stories that are being reported. We get sound bites and clips of stories. I agree it is bad and the news should be more in depth and provide a more objective view, but there’s something to be said for the ridiculous headlines of The New York Post and The Daily News. Sometimes I want to get away from the real news from around the world and focus on the fact that there were severed human lips found in a dumpster over the weekend, with a cynical headline like “TRASH-TALKING ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE!”
40. Cheesy pop songs. Any time period.
41. A well-cooked meal. I love eating. And whether it’s a home-cooked meal from someone’s mother (an ex’s mom used to make rosemary chicken every other night and fried catfish and beans and rice the rest of the week and I gained about thirty pounds in a month just from her home-cooking) or a selection at a nice restaurant, I’m all about stuffing myself with food.
42. People arguing. I don’t know why, but I always laugh to myself when people are passionately arguing about something. When I would get yelled at as a kid I couldn’t help cracking a smile and giggling and that would anger my parents further.
43. Finding good books in a box on the street on trash day.
44. Sleeping in. There’s nothing better than wasting an entire day in bed because you have nothing to do.
45. Watching the rain. I remember my father used to stand in the garage watching the rain when there was a thunderstorm. We lived on a hill and you could look out on the valley and see lightning striking in the distance. It was soothing and peaceful.
46. The thrill of meeting someone new. The excitement and confusion of a budding romance. Months or years later you may rue the day you met them but it’s a great feeling at the start.
47. Making films and videos. I love being on set with friends, orchestrating shots. If I am directing something of my own I have more energy than ever. On one film I did in college I didn’t sleep for three days during the shoot and wasn’t tired the whole time. Something else takes over.
48. Driving around with my friend Tom, talking about movies, coming up with ideas, writing films in our heads.
49. Improv. For someone like myself, who is not musically talented at all, this is a chance to “jam” with other people and create things in front of an audience. It’s a real high when things fall into place in a scene and the audience is responsive.
50. A cigarette after a good meal or good conversation. I saw Kurt Vonnegut interviewed and they asked how he maintained a sense of humor if he thought the world was so doomed and full of depressing things. He answered, “Smoking.”

And the 7 Things lists:

7 things I want to do before I die:
1. Direct a major feature film.
2. Publish a novel or two.
3. Get a pilot’s license and fly a DeHavilliand Tiger Moth biplane for barnstorming purposes.
4. Travel outside the United States. It’s been 31 years and I haven’t even gone to Canada or Mexico! I’d like to tool around Europe for a while but I’ll settle for any place that requires a passport at this point.
5. Learn to juggle.
6. Make a living without having to work a soul-sucking job I have no interest in.
7. Find someone to have a healthy, meaningful relationship with.

7 things I cannot do:
1. Any sport. Just can’t do it. I’m physical inept. I can’t even play golf!
2. Make small talk with people. I get bored very easily and can’t find it in me to pretend I’m interested. This hinders me when meeting new people because unless they fascinate me from the get-go I’m not going to probe them with questions and feign excitement at whatever is said.
3. Walk down the street without staring at my feet.
4. Play an instrument. I’ve dabbled, but I really have no musical ability.
5. Make grilled cheese. There’s always one side that gets a bit burned.
6. Dance. This relates to my awkwardness, fucked-up equilibrium, and inability to play sports
7. Get over my insecurities.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Someone who is attracted to me. This is first and foremost. It’s really the only criteria I have these days and I will abandon all other wanted traits if someone fits this one.
2. Sense of humor. I joke a lot. I like it when people get the jokes and aren’t offended.
3. Long legs.
4. Intelligence.
5. Stylish taste in clothes.
6. Glasses. Not always necessary, but definitely a sexy accoutrement.
7. Nice feet.

7 things that I say most often:
1. What the fuck?!
2. Seriously, what the fuck?!
3. So it goes.
4. Reminds me of this one time…
5. …And whatnot. (In an improv class I did a monologue and talked about getting jumped and said I was “in a coma and whatnot”. In the following scene, my friend Chris picked up on that and played a doctor who diagnosed a patient as having “cancer and whatnot.”)
6. That’s cool.
7. Excuse me, sorry.

7 celebrity crushes:
(O.K. I don’t really have any celebrity crushes. It’s bad enough having crushes on certain people who are actually in my life, why would I want to deal with the futility of crushing on someone I will most likely never meet? That said, I will do my best…)
1. Cate Blanchett. (I think she’s incredibly beautiful in an otherworldly way.)
2. Naomi Watts. (For some reason I can’t concentrate on anything when she’s on screen. It actually frustrates me, because she’s been in some really good movies, but I find myself just staring at her and losing track of the story.)
3. Amy Sedaris. (Adorable and funny, even when playing grotesque characters.)
4. Scarlett Johansson. (I basically say this because a guy at work has a picture of her pinned to the wall, so I see her everyday. And I think she’s alluring.)
5. Johnny Depp. (He’s handsome and cool and everything I wish I was.)
6. New York City. (Can a city count as a celebrity? It’s been in a lot of movies…)

7 people I want to do this:
1. Anyone I
2. Want
3. To do this
4. Already has
5. Or
7. Won’t.