Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Big Dork Weekend
I went to the NYComicon this weekend. I bought a lot of comic books and graphic novels, sat in on a few horror movie discussion panels, I even (*gasp*) got a poster signed. (In my defense, it's a poster for Hostel 2 that Heather Matarazzo, Richard Burgi and Eli Roth were signing and giving away. I didn't seek them out to sign it.)
Anyway, I let my inner geek come out to play, and he had a relatively good time.
I passed this one booth where a guy was selling bootlegged DVDs of complete crap. But on a quick perusal of his wares, I thought, "maybe this guy has some interesting hard-to-find stuff".
"Can I help ya pal?"
"Do you have Mr. Mike's Mondo Video?"
"Wha-who?"
"Nevermind, " I said, and started walking away.
"Whoa! Hold it! You just hit me with a thing I never hearda. I mean what is this? This lady here," he said pointing to a woman behind him. "She comes at me with this obscure TV show and now you pull this rabbit outta nowhere. Like a one-two punch and I'm K-O'd. Jeez..."
"It's a movie that one of the original Saturday Night Live writers..."
"Oh! SNL. I got that! SNL Season 1 right over here."
"Yes. I see. You've got a lot of wonderful bootleg copies of things you can find in any store on the planet," I said picking up a bootleg DVD of Kill Bill Vol. 1, the faded home printer-made insert looking even more amateurish upon closer inspection.
"I mean, really, what are you offering?" I asked. "I thought you might have some rarities of some sort. Ya know, maybe in that stack of Star Wars DVD rips, you'll have a copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special or something. I mean, at least the Chinese woman selling bootleg DVDs on the subway has bootlegs of movies still in the theater. What's the point of a bootleg if it's something you can find in any store for less than what you're charging?"
(The Kill Bill Vol. 1 DVD I was holding was selling for $25. You can buy a proper edition of the film at Target or Best Buy for $12.99!)
I left him to think about that and wandered over to the gaming area, where they had tables set up for people to play a variety of roleplaying games. Along the wall of the room were booths where various people were doling out autographs. In one corner, sitting all by himself looking sullen, was Gary Coleman. There was no one in line to get his autograph. I thought about asking him to sign the one sheet I picked up for the new David Fincher film Zodiac.
"I ain't in Zodiac, man!"
"But it'd be cooler if you were! 'Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Zodiac Killer?' Sign it like that!"
Alas, I didn't.
I eventually ran into my co-worker John and we spent the rest of the day checking out the horror panels for Hostel: Part 2, The Hills Have Eyes 2, and the Showtime series Masters of Horror.
Also swung by the Pokemon booth to say hello to Sarah, who was signing autographs for kids and creepy old men. (She does the voice for the character Ash on the show).
And now I shall finish this weekend of dorkdom by watching the Oscars.
And then working 8 hours loading footage of the damn things for a daytime talk show's Oscar Night wrap-up.
Anyway, I let my inner geek come out to play, and he had a relatively good time.
I passed this one booth where a guy was selling bootlegged DVDs of complete crap. But on a quick perusal of his wares, I thought, "maybe this guy has some interesting hard-to-find stuff".
"Can I help ya pal?"
"Do you have Mr. Mike's Mondo Video?"
"Wha-who?"
"Nevermind, " I said, and started walking away.
"Whoa! Hold it! You just hit me with a thing I never hearda. I mean what is this? This lady here," he said pointing to a woman behind him. "She comes at me with this obscure TV show and now you pull this rabbit outta nowhere. Like a one-two punch and I'm K-O'd. Jeez..."
"It's a movie that one of the original Saturday Night Live writers..."
"Oh! SNL. I got that! SNL Season 1 right over here."
"Yes. I see. You've got a lot of wonderful bootleg copies of things you can find in any store on the planet," I said picking up a bootleg DVD of Kill Bill Vol. 1, the faded home printer-made insert looking even more amateurish upon closer inspection.
"I mean, really, what are you offering?" I asked. "I thought you might have some rarities of some sort. Ya know, maybe in that stack of Star Wars DVD rips, you'll have a copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special or something. I mean, at least the Chinese woman selling bootleg DVDs on the subway has bootlegs of movies still in the theater. What's the point of a bootleg if it's something you can find in any store for less than what you're charging?"
(The Kill Bill Vol. 1 DVD I was holding was selling for $25. You can buy a proper edition of the film at Target or Best Buy for $12.99!)
I left him to think about that and wandered over to the gaming area, where they had tables set up for people to play a variety of roleplaying games. Along the wall of the room were booths where various people were doling out autographs. In one corner, sitting all by himself looking sullen, was Gary Coleman. There was no one in line to get his autograph. I thought about asking him to sign the one sheet I picked up for the new David Fincher film Zodiac.
"I ain't in Zodiac, man!"
"But it'd be cooler if you were! 'Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Zodiac Killer?' Sign it like that!"
Alas, I didn't.
I eventually ran into my co-worker John and we spent the rest of the day checking out the horror panels for Hostel: Part 2, The Hills Have Eyes 2, and the Showtime series Masters of Horror.
Also swung by the Pokemon booth to say hello to Sarah, who was signing autographs for kids and creepy old men. (She does the voice for the character Ash on the show).
And now I shall finish this weekend of dorkdom by watching the Oscars.
And then working 8 hours loading footage of the damn things for a daytime talk show's Oscar Night wrap-up.
Friday, February 23, 2007
What's Bugging Me
Farts that don't come out the way you'd expect them too. Particularly those sneaky ones that crawl forward and tickle your taint. You can feel these little fart bubbles trundle out and get trapped beneath you, and maybe a few scouts will sneak up and explore around your balls (if you're a man. I'm sure women experience this too, sans ball excursion). And then they just sit there for awhile. Taunting you. Making you wiggle and squirm, attempting to pop these little stink blisters.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Cheesy Wedding Video
I shot my friend Chris' wedding last year and I never got around to editing it. His wife has hounded me about it for the last year. I apologize. I'm a slacker.
Anyway, as I was putting the video together I decided to do something cheesy and fun with the footage. Sort of as a bonus feature for their DVD.
Wedding videos are pretty well-traveled ground, so this was just an exercise to keep me from getting too bored as I was editing the real thing.
Anyway, as I was putting the video together I decided to do something cheesy and fun with the footage. Sort of as a bonus feature for their DVD.
Wedding videos are pretty well-traveled ground, so this was just an exercise to keep me from getting too bored as I was editing the real thing.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Trappings of Midget Bowling
There, there, young Finn
Your neatly ironed curtains are far too thin
And the pineapple of your mother
Has taught you to never feed a Swede
Ohmigosh, the cat has jumped its bail
Now everyone can own a copy of
Uncle Seamus’ bagpipe records
And you thought whistling Dixie
Was an innocent way
To earn your wooden nickels
Lo and lo, the doughboy sings
His wretched tale,
But the creeping custard
Buys some time for Wily William Walker’s
Plan to highjack rickshaws
Run, Chinaman, run!
And bring us to the setting sun
Where elephant boys in coats of dreams
Sautee themselves in rocky streams.
Your neatly ironed curtains are far too thin
And the pineapple of your mother
Has taught you to never feed a Swede
Ohmigosh, the cat has jumped its bail
Now everyone can own a copy of
Uncle Seamus’ bagpipe records
And you thought whistling Dixie
Was an innocent way
To earn your wooden nickels
Lo and lo, the doughboy sings
His wretched tale,
But the creeping custard
Buys some time for Wily William Walker’s
Plan to highjack rickshaws
Run, Chinaman, run!
And bring us to the setting sun
Where elephant boys in coats of dreams
Sautee themselves in rocky streams.
Faux-Date Dot Com (Addendum)
This is a recent message from another "member" on this site.
Again, this is the only message I got from this "person". Again they try to make me feel like shit and guilt me into paying for the service. Nice try fuckers!
This one was titled: "Guess You Really Don't Care"
It's very odd that I still haven't received anything from you after about 4 or 5 emails. I was simply asking if you maybe wanted to hang out sometime but guess that's to much for you. Im a straight froward person that doesn't play games when it comes to something I want.
Like my money, huh?
I suppose they'll suspend my account soon, for failure to play along. I imagine there's some mafioso sitting in front of a laptop, thinking he's got a sucker on the line and he's getting frustrated trying to reel me in. So frustrated he misspelled "forward".
Again, this is the only message I got from this "person". Again they try to make me feel like shit and guilt me into paying for the service. Nice try fuckers!
This one was titled: "Guess You Really Don't Care"
It's very odd that I still haven't received anything from you after about 4 or 5 emails. I was simply asking if you maybe wanted to hang out sometime but guess that's to much for you. Im a straight froward person that doesn't play games when it comes to something I want.
Like my money, huh?
I suppose they'll suspend my account soon, for failure to play along. I imagine there's some mafioso sitting in front of a laptop, thinking he's got a sucker on the line and he's getting frustrated trying to reel me in. So frustrated he misspelled "forward".
Faux-Date Dot Com
As regular readers may already know I tried signing up for an online dating service several years ago, only to be denied membership. The authorities believed I was such a lost cause they wanted nothing to do with me. You can read about that here.
Well, several years have passed, I'm still eternally single, and I found myself bored and in front of the computer on Valentine's Day. So I decided to take a crack at that online dating thing again.
It was a sham... as expected.
Within minutes of signing up I received 6 messages. I checked their profiles and they all seemed pretty cool. Except for the fact that they were from either Albany or Syracuse. And two from Ventura, CA! I tried to respond to one of the emails that intrigued me. I then realized I could not reply to those messages unless I got a "pro" account for $29.95 a month.
The funny thing is, some of these messages are cleverly disguised as honest messages from real women, but they are just ploys to get me to turn over my credit card information.
I'll take you through some of the emails I got:
This first one entitled "Screw This Holiday" was received about 2 hours after I had signed up on the 14th:
I messaged several people including you 2 days ago asking what you had planned for today and I didn't receive a single response. I can understand if you were already taken but at least let me know. Guess its a little to late to do anything now.
Wow! That made me feel kinda bad right from the start. I can understand if you were already taken but at least let me know. I felt guilty for not contacting this woman before I joined the site! Here I am, 2 hours into my online dating life and I'm being yelled at by some crazy "woman"!
This was the first, and only, message I received from this "girl", but she was sure she'd contacted me before:
You got anything going on tonight. I sent you a couple of messages a while back and didn't receive a response from you. Thought you might of wanted to hang out tonight being that its valentines day and all and I don't have a date. Let me know if you have something going and if your interested. Hope to hear back from you this time.
The subject line for this email read: "Very sensitive, with a loving and caring heart, likes to help those who have less."
My friends say I have "butterfly magic" in social situations, whatever that means ;) It's easy for me to meet new people because I instantly put others at ease. It's part of my laid-back personality and midwestern upbringing. I'm looking for someone to be friends first...someone down-to-earth, handsome, confident, open-minded. I find the artsy creative types intriguing. My passions include traveling, learning about other cultures, art, & music. If you want to know more, write. Thanks!
OK, there was the plug to write back (remember you have to pay $29.95 a month to actually "write back") but she seemed like she might be real. This told me a little about herself, as generic as it was, and I liked the fact that she was interested in "artsy, creative types" (i.e. the unemployed). I may have a chance to experience some o' dat "butterfly magic"
I checked her profile and she seemed laid back and confident and talked about spirituality and other mumbo jumbo that could interest me if I am drunk, but then she finished up with this line that blew me out of the water: and I know this sounds extremely shallow but I do like a full head of hair.
ARGH! Foiled again!
This one was titled: "I Mailed You"
It was the first message I received from this user.
I wrote and asked if you wanted a submissive woman, did you get the message? Can you reply? If you don't like submissive women that's ok i'll just write someone else who does. If I don't hear back from you in the next day or so, i'll consider you not interested.
Again with the passive aggressiveness, trying to make me feel bad for not contacting these pseudo-women. And if you're really submissive you won't be considering anything, cuz I didn't tell you you could think for yourself yet.
And today I got this message from a real take-charge kinda gal, entitled: "I Need A Date For Saturday"
If you are interesting in going out saturday night I would love for you to be my date. I promise to make it worth your time. If you want to know where we'd be going or ask anything else just write me back soon since there isn't a lot of time.
Whoa! Hold the reins there dolly. This "girl" is 21 and lives in Albany, NY. Not even old enough to rent a car to drive 8 hours to pick me up for said "date".
I'm going to keep this account just to amuse myself with the messages I receive.
I no longer get messages from the midget and dwarf dating site my buddies with The Hall signed me up for, so this'll have to suffice.
Well, several years have passed, I'm still eternally single, and I found myself bored and in front of the computer on Valentine's Day. So I decided to take a crack at that online dating thing again.
It was a sham... as expected.
Within minutes of signing up I received 6 messages. I checked their profiles and they all seemed pretty cool. Except for the fact that they were from either Albany or Syracuse. And two from Ventura, CA! I tried to respond to one of the emails that intrigued me. I then realized I could not reply to those messages unless I got a "pro" account for $29.95 a month.
The funny thing is, some of these messages are cleverly disguised as honest messages from real women, but they are just ploys to get me to turn over my credit card information.
I'll take you through some of the emails I got:
This first one entitled "Screw This Holiday" was received about 2 hours after I had signed up on the 14th:
I messaged several people including you 2 days ago asking what you had planned for today and I didn't receive a single response. I can understand if you were already taken but at least let me know. Guess its a little to late to do anything now.
Wow! That made me feel kinda bad right from the start. I can understand if you were already taken but at least let me know. I felt guilty for not contacting this woman before I joined the site! Here I am, 2 hours into my online dating life and I'm being yelled at by some crazy "woman"!
This was the first, and only, message I received from this "girl", but she was sure she'd contacted me before:
You got anything going on tonight. I sent you a couple of messages a while back and didn't receive a response from you. Thought you might of wanted to hang out tonight being that its valentines day and all and I don't have a date. Let me know if you have something going and if your interested. Hope to hear back from you this time.
The subject line for this email read: "Very sensitive, with a loving and caring heart, likes to help those who have less."
My friends say I have "butterfly magic" in social situations, whatever that means ;) It's easy for me to meet new people because I instantly put others at ease. It's part of my laid-back personality and midwestern upbringing. I'm looking for someone to be friends first...someone down-to-earth, handsome, confident, open-minded. I find the artsy creative types intriguing. My passions include traveling, learning about other cultures, art, & music. If you want to know more, write. Thanks!
OK, there was the plug to write back (remember you have to pay $29.95 a month to actually "write back") but she seemed like she might be real. This told me a little about herself, as generic as it was, and I liked the fact that she was interested in "artsy, creative types" (i.e. the unemployed). I may have a chance to experience some o' dat "butterfly magic"
I checked her profile and she seemed laid back and confident and talked about spirituality and other mumbo jumbo that could interest me if I am drunk, but then she finished up with this line that blew me out of the water: and I know this sounds extremely shallow but I do like a full head of hair.
ARGH! Foiled again!
This one was titled: "I Mailed You"
It was the first message I received from this user.
I wrote and asked if you wanted a submissive woman, did you get the message? Can you reply? If you don't like submissive women that's ok i'll just write someone else who does. If I don't hear back from you in the next day or so, i'll consider you not interested.
Again with the passive aggressiveness, trying to make me feel bad for not contacting these pseudo-women. And if you're really submissive you won't be considering anything, cuz I didn't tell you you could think for yourself yet.
And today I got this message from a real take-charge kinda gal, entitled: "I Need A Date For Saturday"
If you are interesting in going out saturday night I would love for you to be my date. I promise to make it worth your time. If you want to know where we'd be going or ask anything else just write me back soon since there isn't a lot of time.
Whoa! Hold the reins there dolly. This "girl" is 21 and lives in Albany, NY. Not even old enough to rent a car to drive 8 hours to pick me up for said "date".
I'm going to keep this account just to amuse myself with the messages I receive.
I no longer get messages from the midget and dwarf dating site my buddies with The Hall signed me up for, so this'll have to suffice.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
I Kinda Hate Flickr Right Now
I have an account on the photo-sharing page Flickr, and they've recently decided that everyone who uses it should have a Yahoo account in order to use it.
I don't have a Yahoo account. Nor do I really want one. But my Flickr account will no longer be accessible through my current email in a month and a half.
I am being forced into signing up for something else in order to use something I've already used for over a year now. And they say they are "making this change now to simplify the sign in process"!
"Oh, good morning Mr. Orsborn. I see you park your car on the street in front of your house. As this street is now owned by Bank of America, you'll have to set up a savings account with us in order to still park there. This is for the convenience of everyone involved. Have a great day!"
Well, fuck you Flickr! I mean Yahoo! or whatever corporate behemoth owns you now...
Oh, and I've noticed that Blogger here is now owned by Google and has a separate sign in for Google ID users, so I'm sure I'll be getting an email from THEM any day now requesting the same sort of switcharoo.
To sum up, everyone should go rent "Idiocracy". A funny, and I'm sure very prescient, movie.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy stock in Microsoft so I can continue wearing these sneakers.
I don't have a Yahoo account. Nor do I really want one. But my Flickr account will no longer be accessible through my current email in a month and a half.
I am being forced into signing up for something else in order to use something I've already used for over a year now. And they say they are "making this change now to simplify the sign in process"!
"Oh, good morning Mr. Orsborn. I see you park your car on the street in front of your house. As this street is now owned by Bank of America, you'll have to set up a savings account with us in order to still park there. This is for the convenience of everyone involved. Have a great day!"
Well, fuck you Flickr! I mean Yahoo! or whatever corporate behemoth owns you now...
Oh, and I've noticed that Blogger here is now owned by Google and has a separate sign in for Google ID users, so I'm sure I'll be getting an email from THEM any day now requesting the same sort of switcharoo.
To sum up, everyone should go rent "Idiocracy". A funny, and I'm sure very prescient, movie.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy stock in Microsoft so I can continue wearing these sneakers.
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