Yesterday I awoke to the twittered chirping of a dying car alarm. Instead of the annoying sequence of whoops and whirs, all it could muster were quick beeps, albeit repeated beeps that continued uninterrupted from 8am until 5pm, when either the car battery died or the owner came home from work and stopped it.
As a result of this noise pollution, I couldn't really sleep in.
I decided to return a pair of jeans I had bought over the weekend that, upon bringing home, I realized I didn't fancy at all. So I hopped the train and went to the Atlantic Station mall.
As I was leaving Old Navy, having successfully exchanged my jeans for a proper pair, and buying a shirt and some boxers, I was approached by a homeless woman with sparse facial hair. she asked if I had any money so she could eat.
Coming out of a store where I had just spent $50 on clothes, I didn't feel right telling her I had no cash. So I reached in to my front pocket to fish out a single dollar. My fingers fiddled amongst the crumpled cash in my pocket and pulled one out.
Damnit! It was a five!
"Thank you so much," she said.
"Oh wait," I stuttered. "That's my only five. Here," I bluffed as I reached back in to get one of the singles I had originally planned on giving her.
When I handed her the ol' Washington, her smile dropped.
"Nevermind," she said. "That's not enough for a hot dog."
I turned to the hot dog vendor behind me and realized that he was charging $1.50 per hot dog. I motioned for her to come with me and we approached the cart.
"Tell the man what you want," I said.
"Two hot dogs," she told the vendor.
"Two? Lady, you're gonna break the bank!"
"It's just...I'm sick from hunger...and I really..."
"M'aam," I said. "I'm kidding. What else? Would you like a drink?"
"A Sprite," she said.
"Two hot dogs and a Sprite for the lady," I said to the vendor, handing him the five I had originally pulled from my pocket. The total came to four dollars. I took my dollar change and started to walk away.
"Thank you for your kindness," she told me.
"You have a good day," I said, then walked off.
I felt like I had created a little bit of good karma in that transaction. The sun was out, it was a warm day, and I decided to walk around for a bit before catching a bus home.
And then I immediately wasted that niblet of karma, by following an attractive hipster girl an extra two blocks out of my way because her purse was inadvertently causing her skirt to hike up as she walked, allowing me a view of her underwear.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Are You Now, Or Have You Ever Been?
I just got home from a long night at work. It's noon. It's a beautiful day. I'm tired as all hell.
But I can't sleep.
Why, you ask?
Because the Communist Party is outside my window, yelling in Spanish over a loudspeaker attached to the roof of a parked U-Haul truck.
As I don't understand Spanish I had no idea what they were talking about, but after about twenty minutes of some woman telling what seemed to be a short story, I wandered outside to find out what was up.
That's when someone on the corner handed me a "Revolution" newspaper. "voice of the revolutionary communist party, usa" it read underneath the banner.
Then I wandered across the street to a small shop and bought a $25 Power Player Nintendo Super Joystick that holds 75 games and attaches directly to the television.
I'm gonna play Super Mario Bros. and Contra until the revolution is over and I can go to bed.
But I can't sleep.
Why, you ask?
Because the Communist Party is outside my window, yelling in Spanish over a loudspeaker attached to the roof of a parked U-Haul truck.
As I don't understand Spanish I had no idea what they were talking about, but after about twenty minutes of some woman telling what seemed to be a short story, I wandered outside to find out what was up.
That's when someone on the corner handed me a "Revolution" newspaper. "voice of the revolutionary communist party, usa" it read underneath the banner.
Then I wandered across the street to a small shop and bought a $25 Power Player Nintendo Super Joystick that holds 75 games and attaches directly to the television.
I'm gonna play Super Mario Bros. and Contra until the revolution is over and I can go to bed.
Break the Chair
"If a broken chair has more latent resonance, potential meaning, than an unbroken chair, then break the chair."
A short documentary with director Mark Romanek
A short documentary with director Mark Romanek
Monday, April 16, 2007
Short Film Don'ts
I've been editing a short film for some friends for the last couple of weeks.
They were trying to finish it by last Friday in order to submit it to the NY Latino Film Festival. They were still shooting as of last Sunday, and I was rushed into trying to whittle 10 hours of footage into a decent 20 minute film.
In addition to my regular job.
It was somewhat of a nightmare and I kept telling them they should take the time to edit it into a decent short, instead of rushing to just have something to submit. There was so much to edit. It's a parody of 70s Mexican action movies and there are multiple action/fight sequences.
It's a cool little short and I burned myself out trying to piece it together. The encroaching deadline was driving me nuts!
By Thursday morning at 11 am, I had completely a very rough cut of the entire piece. There was still a lot of sound work to do. At 3pm Thursday one of the producers called and told me they were taking my advice and were not going to submit it the following day and instead work on the editing more.
I breathed a sigh of relief and took the weekend to restore my energies. I didn't return any of their phone calls. I just wanted to relax.
And I needed a fresh perspective.
During the week, as I was editing scenes, I kept seeing the mistakes that countless beginning filmmakers make. I made them too. Twenty years ago, but I made them too. I started jotting down a list of things I never want to see again. My first big word of advice to a young filmmaker is to take the phrase "one more for safety" (when the crew shoots one more take of a scene or shot after the feel they have gotten a good take) out of your vocabulary. It really means "one more to waste time". If you have a shot, move the fuck on! This particular film took an average of seven takes of every shot and then ALSO did a "one more for safety" shot! It was so ridiculous that they took a "one more for safety" shot of a cutaway of someone's hand!! I'm not slighting these people. I like a lot of the stuff they shot. But after sifting through 20 half-hour miniDV tapes looking for usable shots, I was just a little perturbed.
Anyway, as I was jotting down my list of "do's and don't's", I remembered a similar list I had read in Wholphin, a DVD magazine put out by the fine folks at McSweeney's. There was a list compiled by a film festival worker/organizer, who has seen his fair share of short films. This was less technical and based more on the "stuff" young filmmakers tend to shoot. His list is pretty funny.
In fact, I think I have, in my own film work, done every single thing on this list!
"Since 1993 I’ve worked for film festivals and the last four years I’ve seen literally thousands and thousands of shorts. I’ve noticed filmmakers have a few tendencies that I’d love to never, ever see again. Please, just challenge yourself and don’t do this.
1. First shot is an alarm clock waking up the main character. This only worked in Meatballs.
2. Drinking from a Jack Daniels bottle. Always straight from the bottle, always Jack Daniels. It hurts worse when it’s someone who looks 19 trying to portray Bukowski.
3. Five minutes of opening credits for a 10-minute film. I don’t know any of the names. No one does. If we love the short we will wait around and see who made it.
4. Super hot sex scene with the actors still wearing their underwear. After having great sex, no one makes sure the sheet is covering their boobs in real life.
5. Movie posters on the wall. Of better films.
6. Camera in the car trunk, mailbox or refridgerator.
7. Office scene with everyone sped up.
8. Narration, narration, narration.
9. A “short” that is 40 minutes long.
10. Plot about people trying to make a film (that includes you, frustrated writer and actor going to auditions).
There has never been a good mockumentary short and only two good silent film-style films, not including Guy Maddin.
And these characters need to take a break: ninjas, mimes, drag kings, bondage gear man, bunny suit girl, a woman who is really a robot, a jerky landlord trying to get the rent, characters swearing they’ll be friends forever.
Note: This is not a judgement of what’s good or bad, just some things that pop up… a lot. I had to get it off my chest."
They were trying to finish it by last Friday in order to submit it to the NY Latino Film Festival. They were still shooting as of last Sunday, and I was rushed into trying to whittle 10 hours of footage into a decent 20 minute film.
In addition to my regular job.
It was somewhat of a nightmare and I kept telling them they should take the time to edit it into a decent short, instead of rushing to just have something to submit. There was so much to edit. It's a parody of 70s Mexican action movies and there are multiple action/fight sequences.
It's a cool little short and I burned myself out trying to piece it together. The encroaching deadline was driving me nuts!
By Thursday morning at 11 am, I had completely a very rough cut of the entire piece. There was still a lot of sound work to do. At 3pm Thursday one of the producers called and told me they were taking my advice and were not going to submit it the following day and instead work on the editing more.
I breathed a sigh of relief and took the weekend to restore my energies. I didn't return any of their phone calls. I just wanted to relax.
And I needed a fresh perspective.
During the week, as I was editing scenes, I kept seeing the mistakes that countless beginning filmmakers make. I made them too. Twenty years ago, but I made them too. I started jotting down a list of things I never want to see again. My first big word of advice to a young filmmaker is to take the phrase "one more for safety" (when the crew shoots one more take of a scene or shot after the feel they have gotten a good take) out of your vocabulary. It really means "one more to waste time". If you have a shot, move the fuck on! This particular film took an average of seven takes of every shot and then ALSO did a "one more for safety" shot! It was so ridiculous that they took a "one more for safety" shot of a cutaway of someone's hand!! I'm not slighting these people. I like a lot of the stuff they shot. But after sifting through 20 half-hour miniDV tapes looking for usable shots, I was just a little perturbed.
Anyway, as I was jotting down my list of "do's and don't's", I remembered a similar list I had read in Wholphin, a DVD magazine put out by the fine folks at McSweeney's. There was a list compiled by a film festival worker/organizer, who has seen his fair share of short films. This was less technical and based more on the "stuff" young filmmakers tend to shoot. His list is pretty funny.
In fact, I think I have, in my own film work, done every single thing on this list!
"Since 1993 I’ve worked for film festivals and the last four years I’ve seen literally thousands and thousands of shorts. I’ve noticed filmmakers have a few tendencies that I’d love to never, ever see again. Please, just challenge yourself and don’t do this.
1. First shot is an alarm clock waking up the main character. This only worked in Meatballs.
2. Drinking from a Jack Daniels bottle. Always straight from the bottle, always Jack Daniels. It hurts worse when it’s someone who looks 19 trying to portray Bukowski.
3. Five minutes of opening credits for a 10-minute film. I don’t know any of the names. No one does. If we love the short we will wait around and see who made it.
4. Super hot sex scene with the actors still wearing their underwear. After having great sex, no one makes sure the sheet is covering their boobs in real life.
5. Movie posters on the wall. Of better films.
6. Camera in the car trunk, mailbox or refridgerator.
7. Office scene with everyone sped up.
8. Narration, narration, narration.
9. A “short” that is 40 minutes long.
10. Plot about people trying to make a film (that includes you, frustrated writer and actor going to auditions).
There has never been a good mockumentary short and only two good silent film-style films, not including Guy Maddin.
And these characters need to take a break: ninjas, mimes, drag kings, bondage gear man, bunny suit girl, a woman who is really a robot, a jerky landlord trying to get the rent, characters swearing they’ll be friends forever.
Note: This is not a judgement of what’s good or bad, just some things that pop up… a lot. I had to get it off my chest."
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
How Much Does Yahoo Suck? Let Me Count The Ways
I cannot log in to my Flickr account because I had to create a Yahoo account in order to do so and somehow when I was doing so it made me create a different username so that the one that is associated to my account is not the same as the one I must use to sign in, but it is the same as the one that is associated to my email account, but my email account is associated to something entirely different now and it says it does not exist in the world of Flickr, but I received an email saying that my mail from Flickr would continue to be sent to that email address and notified me of a different username that I should be using, but when I try to sign in it says that the zip code associated to that account does not match the one on file so I try a different zip code and then it lets me proceed to the next level of security questions which is what is my father's middle name and there is only one correct answer there but somehow whenever I enter it it says that I am wrong and I can't for the life of me remember what name I could've possibly mis-typed if that's the case and there is no way to access my account in any way whatsoever and all I could do was send an email to them requesting that they go fuck themselves.
So that account exists entirely on it's own now. I can neither update nor cancel it because I am not authorized to do so it appears.
So that account exists entirely on it's own now. I can neither update nor cancel it because I am not authorized to do so it appears.
The Lookout
Oh yeah. So, the reason I started reflecting on my handicapped life yesterday was the fact that I saw a movie called The Lookout, which centers on a brain-damaged protagonist played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt being manipulated into taking part in a bank heist.
The trials of his daily life rang very true, I thought. I believe the film does a good job of capturing the confusion/frustration felt by someone suffering from a brain injury. Having to write everything down, learning how things should fit sequentially, creating patterns in your life. All well done.
If you want to see a good movie, check it out.
The trials of his daily life rang very true, I thought. I believe the film does a good job of capturing the confusion/frustration felt by someone suffering from a brain injury. Having to write everything down, learning how things should fit sequentially, creating patterns in your life. All well done.
If you want to see a good movie, check it out.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Coma, Coma, Coma-chameleon
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in life was not really dealing with the effects of the brain injury I received when I was 20 years old. Thirteen years later and I am noticing some accelerated deterioration in my mental abilities. I laugh it off and make jokes about it, but I'm really afraid that within the next ten years I won't be functioning at all.
I remember one of my therapists in the rehabilitation center telling me that all my psychologists and therapists were afraid to discharge me because I hadn't "dealt with the emotional and psychological aspects" of my brain injury. I was making progress physically: learning to tie my shoes, learning to walk, learning to pick up objects with my left hand (which had been paralysed and balled into a tight fist for almost a month). But I never really acknowledged the fact that I may never be who I was before and I hadn't shown any anger about what had happened. This worried the docs.
But I just wanted to be myself again. To return to my old life and pick up where I left off. And my family and friends wanted the same. I remember my father telling me, "If you fall off the horse, you gotta just get back up and keep riding".
And so I picked myself up, brushed off the dirt and jumped back in. Without considering how my life might be different now that I've suffered this little injury.
And it was not like any of my friends or family knew any better. They wanted me to be my old self too. I was treated with kid gloves for a couple months, but soon it was "back to normal".
But a lot of the things that I later discovered are symptomatic of head injuries, started popping up. And fucking with my life.
I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because she said I'd lost all my ambition after the "accident". She said there were two ways of dealing with a "set-back": "You can pursue things with more determination, or you can just blame other people. And you chose the latter." OK, but this was six months after my injury. And neither of us knew that my "lack of ambition" was a result of more serious issues inside my head.
I've gone through a multitude of jobs over the years and I've been fired from quite a few of those. Often I forget to do things if they are not written down and I have trouble multi-tasking (unless everything is written down for me). If I am in the middle of doing something and one person asks me to do something I am alright. But then a third person asks me to do something. So when I finish my first task I do what the third person asks me to do and completely forget that I even had a conversation with the second person. Which is really not an appealing thing for employers. I have, on occasion, carried a notebook with my to jot down "things to do" as they occur. Though, this too is not appealing to some employers. Why should they bother with someone who has to write everything down in order to remember to do it when there are plenty of able-minded people who can do the job faster?
A lot of the time I would get angry with people out of the blue. And then forget about it and wonder why they're upset with me.
I think I was always moody and depressed. Even before the injury. But It's been a more daily occurance over the last thirteen years.
I never saw these things as results of my brain injury. And they are not so severe that I think I'm any different than other people. I mean, everyone has memory lapses. Everyone has gotten on a train, spent 45 minutes commuting, only to get off at a stop and realize you can't remember why you got on the train in the first place. Right?
I've started telling stories that go nowhere. I will start talking to someone and realize half-way through that I don't know the point of this tale and I am no longer interested in telling it. Sometimes I actually stop and just say, "That's it. nevermind."
If I'm with a group of friends in a crowded place I usually can't focus on the conversation (unless I'm telling a story that goes nowhere) and end up staring off into space a lot.
I feel my grip is slipping each day.
I looked up a list of side effects to brain injuries recently to see if I'm just getting old or if my waning brain activity is a result of my accident:
Difficulty remembering/learning check
inability to concentrate, understand complex issues, plan, make judgements or think quickly check
Irritability check
aggression the number of fights I've gotten into in the last 13 years is kinda ridiculous. Especially for someone who can't fight
restlessness I am writing this little blog entry because I can't sleep. check.
lack of spontaneity check
childishness just because I think farts are funny doesn't mean I'm childish
apathy i couldn't give a shit
mood swings check
depression check
excessive emotions (ie laughing, swearing or crying excessively or other inappropriate behaviour) AHHH! Fuck shit damn I hope you die. Nah. I'm cool.
self-centredness a BIG ol' check here!
lack of ambition surprised I had the drive to write this blog entry
changes in usual personality I'll let people who knew me before weigh in on that
Well, as is my MO these days, I don't have an ending for this story. I don't even know why I started writing it.
So there it is.
I remember one of my therapists in the rehabilitation center telling me that all my psychologists and therapists were afraid to discharge me because I hadn't "dealt with the emotional and psychological aspects" of my brain injury. I was making progress physically: learning to tie my shoes, learning to walk, learning to pick up objects with my left hand (which had been paralysed and balled into a tight fist for almost a month). But I never really acknowledged the fact that I may never be who I was before and I hadn't shown any anger about what had happened. This worried the docs.
But I just wanted to be myself again. To return to my old life and pick up where I left off. And my family and friends wanted the same. I remember my father telling me, "If you fall off the horse, you gotta just get back up and keep riding".
And so I picked myself up, brushed off the dirt and jumped back in. Without considering how my life might be different now that I've suffered this little injury.
And it was not like any of my friends or family knew any better. They wanted me to be my old self too. I was treated with kid gloves for a couple months, but soon it was "back to normal".
But a lot of the things that I later discovered are symptomatic of head injuries, started popping up. And fucking with my life.
I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because she said I'd lost all my ambition after the "accident". She said there were two ways of dealing with a "set-back": "You can pursue things with more determination, or you can just blame other people. And you chose the latter." OK, but this was six months after my injury. And neither of us knew that my "lack of ambition" was a result of more serious issues inside my head.
I've gone through a multitude of jobs over the years and I've been fired from quite a few of those. Often I forget to do things if they are not written down and I have trouble multi-tasking (unless everything is written down for me). If I am in the middle of doing something and one person asks me to do something I am alright. But then a third person asks me to do something. So when I finish my first task I do what the third person asks me to do and completely forget that I even had a conversation with the second person. Which is really not an appealing thing for employers. I have, on occasion, carried a notebook with my to jot down "things to do" as they occur. Though, this too is not appealing to some employers. Why should they bother with someone who has to write everything down in order to remember to do it when there are plenty of able-minded people who can do the job faster?
A lot of the time I would get angry with people out of the blue. And then forget about it and wonder why they're upset with me.
I think I was always moody and depressed. Even before the injury. But It's been a more daily occurance over the last thirteen years.
I never saw these things as results of my brain injury. And they are not so severe that I think I'm any different than other people. I mean, everyone has memory lapses. Everyone has gotten on a train, spent 45 minutes commuting, only to get off at a stop and realize you can't remember why you got on the train in the first place. Right?
I've started telling stories that go nowhere. I will start talking to someone and realize half-way through that I don't know the point of this tale and I am no longer interested in telling it. Sometimes I actually stop and just say, "That's it. nevermind."
If I'm with a group of friends in a crowded place I usually can't focus on the conversation (unless I'm telling a story that goes nowhere) and end up staring off into space a lot.
I feel my grip is slipping each day.
I looked up a list of side effects to brain injuries recently to see if I'm just getting old or if my waning brain activity is a result of my accident:
Difficulty remembering/learning check
inability to concentrate, understand complex issues, plan, make judgements or think quickly check
Irritability check
aggression the number of fights I've gotten into in the last 13 years is kinda ridiculous. Especially for someone who can't fight
restlessness I am writing this little blog entry because I can't sleep. check.
lack of spontaneity check
childishness just because I think farts are funny doesn't mean I'm childish
apathy i couldn't give a shit
mood swings check
depression check
excessive emotions (ie laughing, swearing or crying excessively or other inappropriate behaviour) AHHH! Fuck shit damn I hope you die. Nah. I'm cool.
self-centredness a BIG ol' check here!
lack of ambition surprised I had the drive to write this blog entry
changes in usual personality I'll let people who knew me before weigh in on that
Well, as is my MO these days, I don't have an ending for this story. I don't even know why I started writing it.
So there it is.
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