Short Film Don'ts

I've been editing a short film for some friends for the last couple of weeks.
They were trying to finish it by last Friday in order to submit it to the NY Latino Film Festival. They were still shooting as of last Sunday, and I was rushed into trying to whittle 10 hours of footage into a decent 20 minute film.

In addition to my regular job.

It was somewhat of a nightmare and I kept telling them they should take the time to edit it into a decent short, instead of rushing to just have something to submit. There was so much to edit. It's a parody of 70s Mexican action movies and there are multiple action/fight sequences.

It's a cool little short and I burned myself out trying to piece it together. The encroaching deadline was driving me nuts!

By Thursday morning at 11 am, I had completely a very rough cut of the entire piece. There was still a lot of sound work to do. At 3pm Thursday one of the producers called and told me they were taking my advice and were not going to submit it the following day and instead work on the editing more.

I breathed a sigh of relief and took the weekend to restore my energies. I didn't return any of their phone calls. I just wanted to relax.

And I needed a fresh perspective.

During the week, as I was editing scenes, I kept seeing the mistakes that countless beginning filmmakers make. I made them too. Twenty years ago, but I made them too. I started jotting down a list of things I never want to see again. My first big word of advice to a young filmmaker is to take the phrase "one more for safety" (when the crew shoots one more take of a scene or shot after the feel they have gotten a good take) out of your vocabulary. It really means "one more to waste time". If you have a shot, move the fuck on! This particular film took an average of seven takes of every shot and then ALSO did a "one more for safety" shot! It was so ridiculous that they took a "one more for safety" shot of a cutaway of someone's hand!! I'm not slighting these people. I like a lot of the stuff they shot. But after sifting through 20 half-hour miniDV tapes looking for usable shots, I was just a little perturbed.

Anyway, as I was jotting down my list of "do's and don't's", I remembered a similar list I had read in Wholphin, a DVD magazine put out by the fine folks at McSweeney's. There was a list compiled by a film festival worker/organizer, who has seen his fair share of short films. This was less technical and based more on the "stuff" young filmmakers tend to shoot. His list is pretty funny.

In fact, I think I have, in my own film work, done every single thing on this list!

"Since 1993 I’ve worked for film festivals and the last four years I’ve seen literally thousands and thousands of shorts. I’ve noticed filmmakers have a few tendencies that I’d love to never, ever see again. Please, just challenge yourself and don’t do this.

1. First shot is an alarm clock waking up the main character. This only worked in Meatballs.

2. Drinking from a Jack Daniels bottle. Always straight from the bottle, always Jack Daniels. It hurts worse when it’s someone who looks 19 trying to portray Bukowski.

3. Five minutes of opening credits for a 10-minute film. I don’t know any of the names. No one does. If we love the short we will wait around and see who made it.

4. Super hot sex scene with the actors still wearing their underwear. After having great sex, no one makes sure the sheet is covering their boobs in real life.

5. Movie posters on the wall. Of better films.

6. Camera in the car trunk, mailbox or refridgerator.

7. Office scene with everyone sped up.

8. Narration, narration, narration.

9. A “short” that is 40 minutes long.

10. Plot about people trying to make a film (that includes you, frustrated writer and actor going to auditions).

There has never been a good mockumentary short and only two good silent film-style films, not including Guy Maddin.

And these characters need to take a break: ninjas, mimes, drag kings, bondage gear man, bunny suit girl, a woman who is really a robot, a jerky landlord trying to get the rent, characters swearing they’ll be friends forever.

Note: This is not a judgement of what’s good or bad, just some things that pop up… a lot. I had to get it off my chest."